For whatever reason, I awoke Tuesday morning with James Lipton on my mind. (Freudians, I’d love to know your thoughts on this one.) While thinking about Lipton and Inside the Actors Studio, his talk-show dedicated to exploring the craft of acting, I realized that I can always count on the following:

1. Upon interviewing his actor/star/celebrity/musician/comedian, Lipton will utter the following: “Let’s begin as always at the beginning. Where were you born?” (Don’t believe me? Listen to #2.)
2. At some point during the interview, Lipton will likely bring up the subject of divorce as it pertains to his guest, other guests, or himself. Divorce, the host says on Inside the Actors Studio and in his biography, is a “unifying theme, a common thread that ties all our guests together.” Roughly 75% of his guests, Lipton reports, witnessed their parents’ separation.
3. Moreover, as comedian Will Ferrell so beautifully displays on Saturday Night Live, Lipton will do whatever he can to suck up to the guest seated across from him and his “little TV tray.” The host’s stack of blue index cards (i.e., his two week’s worth of intense research on the guest), his flowery language (“brilliant,” “magnificent,” “glorious”), and his intense interest in every one of his guest’s reactions work in tandem to reveal his painfully obvious ass-kissing abilities.
4. Furthermore, if he knows that his guest sings, dances or has taken singing or dancing lessons, Lipton will weasel such information into the conversation, probing for a way to get the actor to perform this “talent” onstage, right there. (Not always a good idea, Robert Downey, Jr.)
5. Likewise, if Lipton is aware that the guest has any interest in flying or airplanes, this subject will come up as well (see interviews with Harrison Ford, John Travolta, and Hilary Swank, for instance).
6. Finally, Lipton’s audience can always count on his final questionnaire, which the host borrowed from his mentor/idol, French talk-show host, Bernard Pivot. At the end of every episode, Lipton asks each actor/star/celebrity ten questions, e.g., What is your favorite word? What is your favorite curse word?

Aside from perhaps 2-3 of the questions, coming up with answers can be difficult, especially when the guest, depending on who it is, is expected to be witty, thoughtful, and/or actor-y (i.e., Dave Chappelle, witty; Pacino actor-y). As a result, I imagine that Lipton’s guests prepare days in advance for this section of the interview. I know it’s taken me at least three days to pin down my reactions. To that end, I’ll apologize now: I’m neither witty nor actor-y.

1. What is your favorite word? “Mise-en-scene. It’s nice to say, and although it’s little, it represents so much.”
2. What is your least favorite word? “Can’t.”
3. What turns you on creatively, spiritually, or emotionally? “A successful lecture. When students realize how accessible early modern English truly is.  An academic essay that comes to me quickly and easily. Colin Firth.”
4. What turns you off? “Ill-prepared students. People who refuse to think critically. Blatant patriarchy. Animal movies.”
5. What is your favorite curse word? “Dammit to hell.” (Liza Minnelli and Natalie Portman definitely top me here.)
6. What sound or noise do you love? “Kenneth Branagh speaking Shakespeare. MGM musical numbers. The opening music of The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. “
7. What sound or noise do you hate? “People talking loudly throughout a movie. The revving of jet engines.”
8. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt? “None; I’m doing it. However, when I retire I’d like to be a docent.”
9. What profession would you not like to do? “Any job that requires me to euthanize animals.”
10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? “Today’s lecture from William Shakespeare begins at 7:00 pm, and dance lessons from Gene Kelly commence at 9:00 pm.”